Mercedes' Quotations are quotations made by Mercedes Jones, portrayed by Amber Riley.
Season One[]
“ |
Oh, hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singing nonsense! I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland! |
” |
“ |
You're good, white boy. I'll give you that, but you better bring it. |
” |
“ |
Damn! Don't you see what I got on? |
” |
“ |
You're pretty fly for a white guy. |
” |
“ |
Rachel: We need to have a gay-vention. That's a gay intervention. |
” |
“ |
They said J. Lo's booty was too big. |
” |
“ |
Wait... I'm a 'Jet'? |
” |
“ |
Kurt: You busted my window! |
” |
“ |
Mercedes: Hey Kurt! I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry I did that to your car. I'll pay for it to get fixed! |
” |
“ |
Aaaaahhhh MY WEAVE!" |
” |
“ |
Mercedes: Could we try something a little more... black? |
” |
“ |
Why do we need to go all vanilla on this song? What we need is my chocolate thunder. |
” |
“ |
Alright, look. You need to get something through your mohawk real quick. You're the baby's daddy! It takes a hell of a lot more to be a father, and that role's already been cast because Quinn chose Finn. You need to accept that and move on because you have no business messing up that girl's life any more than you already have. You need to back off! You owe her at least that much. |
” |
“ |
Mercedes: I can't be co-captain. No time. Kwanzaa! |
” |
“ |
You know what, Miss Bossy Pants? Enough! I work just as hard as you and I'm just as good as you. You know you always end up taking the spotlight! |
” |
—Mercedes to Rachel, Sectionals |
“ |
Do I even need to tell you what song? Horns, strings, keep up. |
” |
—Mercedes to Brad, Sectionals |
“ |
The last guy I liked was the mayor of Gaytown. |
” |
“ |
Y'all just trot me out at the end of every number so I can wail on the last note. How is that okay? |
” |
“ |
Kurt: You shouldn't be embarrassed about your body. |
” |
“ |
You and me would not work out, we have nothing in common, you're Top 40. I'm Rhythm and Blues. |
” |
—Mercedes to Puck, Laryngitis |
“ |
Talk to the stick figure! |
” |
—Mercedes to Will and Santana, Laryngitis |
“ |
Look, Puck. I agreed to start dating you because you have great arms and we have serious musical chemistry. Both of which are really important to me. But clearly you've never dated a sistah before, and we have needs. As in, you need to stop flapping your gums about this video game nonsense and start finding out more about me. About who I am. |
” |
—Mercedes to Puck, Laryngitis |
“ |
Okay, I'm gonna ask you to stop, because I'm starting to get embarrassed for you. |
” |
—Mercedes (to Puck), Laryngitis |
“ |
And why does everyone just assume I'm angry all the time? It's called being sassy, Mr. Schue. |
” |
“ |
(At the beginning of this year...) I was a closeted Diva. |
” |
Season Two[]
“ |
Kurt's right. We're a family. They can bring it all they want, none of it is going to break us. |
” |
“ |
What the hell is she talking about? |
” |
“ |
Tina: I thought we couldn't sing songs about religion? |
” |
—Tina and Mercedes, Grilled Cheesus |
“ |
Mercedes: Why would I want to do a duet with you? We can't stand each other! |
” |
“ |
Don't dream it. Be it. |
” |
“ |
Will: Now we're a little short on female roles, so we're gonna have to double up on Magentas and Columbias. |
” |
—Mercedes, Rachel, and Will, The Rocky Horror Glee Show |
“ |
I want my tots! |
” |
—Mercedes, The Substitute |
“ |
Sue:(holding up a large stalk of broccoli) Do you know what this is? Mercedes: Toilet brush. |
” |
—Mercedes to Sue, The Substitute |
“ |
I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony, and a doll that laughs and cries, and... one of us smells like McDonalds. |
” |
—Mercedes to Santa, A Very Glee Christmas |
“ |
Kill me now…I wanna die… |
” |
“ |
The three of us are divas. Look at our idols: Whitney (Mercedes), Barbra (Rachel), Patti LuPone (Kurt). They all became stars while they were single. They took all the pain and loneliness, and they put it into their music. People could relate to it; everybody feels lonely. Harnessing this pain is why they became legends. |
” |
—Mercedes to Rachel and Kurt, Silly Love Songs |
“ |
I have had the worst hangover since Saturday and it's Monday. |
” |
“ |
Finn: Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS!? Mercedes: Seriously? 'Cause I just had them on my salad. |
” |
—Sexy |
“ |
But my butt, Mr. Schue, that song was amazing. |
” |
—Mercedes to Mr. Schuester, Original Song |
“ |
I just don't get it. Why are you a bigger star than me? |
” |
“ |
At this school, the thing that makes you different is the thing that people use to crush your spirit. |
” |
“ |
You guys are ruining the vibe. Quinn you look hot, Finn you look handsome. Love you guys... but get lost. |
” |
—Mercedes to (Finn and Quinn), Prom Queen |
“ |
I thought this song was about a baby. |
” |
—Mercedes, about Isn't She Lovely, Prom Queen |
“ |
No need to warm up, Rachel. I'm about to go wrap this thing up like a Christmas present. |
” |
“ |
Not too lazy to come up there and let you taste my fist. |
” |
Season Three[]
“ |
My alarm clock went off 30 minutes late. Sort of reshifted by whole schedule. |
” |
“ |
Everyone knows that Rachel is your favorite. You give that skinny, geranimal-wearing ass-kisser everything. And for two years, I took it. But not anymore. I’m done. I’ve outgrown you. I’ve outgrown all of you. |
” |
—Mercedes to Will at the Booty Camp, Asian F |
“ |
Why is it that no one ever wants to hurt her feelings? You know, it’s always been The Rachel Berry Show around here, but it’s not gonna be for me. No, not my senior year. |
” |
“ |
Mercedes: I don't want to see the spectacle that is Michael. I want to be the spectacle that is Michael. |
” |
“ |
I think these are the end times. |
” |
—Mercedes, Extraordinary Merry Christmas |
“ |
Mercedes: Sam just tweeted that I smell good. |
” |
—Mercedes and Sam to Emma, The Spanish Teacher |
“ |
One in every ten people are gay, and if that's true, then one of the Apostles might have been gay. My guess is Simon 'cause that name's the gayest. |
” |
—Mercedes to The God Squad, Heart |
“ |
Mercedes: I most look forward to meeting Rachel Berry's children. |
” |
“ |
Sue: Hey Mercedes, who ya' texting? |
” |
—Sue and Mercedes, Big Brother |
“ |
Puck: We all know why we're here. I've waited 5 years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day, go! |
” |
—Senior Class of WMHS 2012, Big Brother |
“ |
I’m cream in here, but what if out there I’m just skim milk? |
” |
“ |
A part of me wants to lock these doors and stay in here with everyone forever |
” |
Season Five[]
“ |
I remember Finn telling me that he sang this song to his baby's sonagram - well, he thought it was his baby. He was the first cool kid to be nice to any of us and he was our leader in here. We love you Finn. |
” |
“ |
A diva-off? Oh, hell to the yes! |
” |
“ |
Sam: Have you ever heard of the term "high, dry, and suffering"? |
” |